The Pursuit of Happiness

I will be happy when...

Happy birthday! Happy holidays! Happy anniversary!

Happy to help. Happy to hear that. Happy to see you.

Happily ever after.

It seems we all value experiencing, spreading, and wishing happiness for ourselves and others.

But what is happiness? How do you attain it? How do you know when you have it? And, more importantly, how do you keep it?

Happiness: A History

Throughout the course of history, humans have been obsessed with the idea of happiness.

For centuries, happiness was thought to be attained through the luck of the draw. In fact, in every Indo-European language, the word for happiness is linked in some way to fortune. (In English, the word “happiness” stems from an old Norse word, “happ,” meaning chance or luck.)

Remember that the early beginnings of modern man were…rough. Pestilence and hunger would sweep through communities and wipe them out entirely. Life was not so much to be made or enjoyed, but to be endured. Most believed that our fate was determined by the whims of the gods, and “happiness” was considered something reserved for those who had their favor (sorry, Oedipus).

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Over time, our views on happiness have evolved. In the Middle Ages, a life of happiness meant God-like perfection that no human could ever achieve on Earth. Happiness could only be found in heaven or paradise and only if you met certain conditions.

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Cut to the Enlightenment, and happiness became the default condition of humanity; a self-evident truth that could be achieved in the here and now. Happiness became more than just attainable. It became our birthright.

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Happiness: Defined

But, what is this elusive thing we’re all meant to experience?

Most people tend to think of happiness as a feeling - a mixture of euphoria, pleasure, and enjoyment. In this understanding of happiness, there is no pain or suffering or boredom. It’s all good, all the time.

This type of happiness is what our ancient philosopher friends referred to as “hedonic happiness.” It seeks pleasure from the material world and thrives on instant gratification. This happiness comes from things like a decadent meal, a luxurious vacation, a comfortable car, a glass (or three) of wine, a beautiful new Chanel bag (swoon), and a big fat bank account to pay for it all.

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If we’re honest with ourselves, THIS is the happiness most of us relentlessly pursue. We take on stressful jobs we hate, spend time with people we don’t like, and miss out on genuinely fulfilling experiences so that we can chase prestige, money, and material comforts. We do this because we believe that Wanting + Getting = Happiness.

But the research makes pretty clear that this equation is flawed. Our circumstances and material gains only temporarily affect happiness.

Let’s take the curious case of lottery winners.

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Studies on this subject show that while there is definitely an initial spike in happiness, lottery winners are often not significantly happier in the long run than non-winners. Some studies have even found that lottery winners report similar levels of happiness to those who have experienced seriously negative and traumatic life events (like becoming paralyzed). Winning significant sums of money did very little to impact their day-to-day happiness. Most eventually returned to the happiness level they had before their big payday.

This phenomenon has a name: hedonic adaptation or the hedonic treadmill. Over time, we adapt to our circumstances, no matter how initially thrilling, and as the novelty of our experiences and purchases fade, so does the excitement. Eventually (and often much sooner than we think) we end up right back where we started.

This is the reason we continually think things like, “I’ll be happy when I get this promotion,” or “I’ll be happy when I find a life partner,” or “I’ll be happy when I move to another city” only to find disappointment waiting for us when we realize that those things didn’t make us happy for very long.

And then what do we do? We move the goal post, always searching for something, somewhere that will feed our deep-rooted need for more.

But what if the “more” we seek doesn’t look anything like what we think it does?

And what if we’ve had it all along?

Warning: We’re about to get deep. Stay with me.

There is another form of happiness; one that is long-lasting and rooted in purpose, meaning, and fulfillment. It pursues excellence over pleasure and virtue over vice. It cannot be bought or sold, and it can only be found within. It is what Aristotle famously called the “highest human good.”

Unlike hedonic happiness, which is centered on maximizing pleasure and avoiding pain, “eudaimonic happiness” is about living in alignment with your true self and realizing your potential. It’s engaging in activities that match your values. It’s living authentically and continuously growing and improving. It’s building and maintaining deep, meaningful relationships and contributing to the greater good. It’s finding ways to give rather than receive.

It’s the teacher who finds joy and meaning in educating and positively impacting his students’ lives.

It’s the artist who creates not just for fame or fortune, but for self-expression and sharing beauty with the world.

It’s the parent who experiences deep fulfillment in nurturing and guiding her children, witnessing their growth and development over the years.

It’s the Flourishing Flower.

It’s an answer to the question: what makes life worth living?

Happiness: What is it Good for?

Aside from feeling much better than being unhappy, this type of happiness also has some significant benefits.

Happiness quite literally gives you a health boost. Happier people tend to have stronger immune systems, lower blood pressure, a reduced risk of chronic diseases, and a longer lifespan.

Happiness can make us more empathetic and connected to others, which in turn strengthens our relationships (the most consistent predictor of a happy life).

Like all positive emotions, happiness broadens our thinking and enhances our problem-solving skills and creativity, making us more productive and innovative.

And, while we can’t avoid pain and disappointment, when we're happy, we're more resilient and better equipped to handle stress and bounce back from setbacks.

These are not small things.

Happiness: Attainment

So, how can you attain this level of happiness and experience all of these benefits?

There’s good news and bad news.

Bad news first.

You can’t just “get” this type of happiness. You have to build it.

And, it’s worth noting that pursuing happiness outright can be disappointing. Deliberately trying to create moment-to-moment happiness can backfire, leaving you feeling disappointed and, ironically, less happy.

Now the good news.

You can create conditions in your life that increase the likelihood of experiencing more positivity and a deeper sense of contentment that endures, irrespective of the inevitable highs and lows of life. The work of creating this type of wellbeing isn’t always easy, but the steps are rather simple.

Here are some ideas:

1. Identify Your Values: Spend time in quiet and stillness, reflecting on what truly matters to you and find ways to align your actions with those values. For example, if autonomy is one of your core values, come up with a proposal for more flexible work arrangements to gain more control of your time.

2. Perform Acts of Kindness: Engage in random acts of kindness to boost your own happiness and that of others. Volunteering your time to a cause that matters to you or even just performing small, simple acts like holding the elevator door, bringing a friend a cup of coffee, or making your spouse’s favorite meal for no reason can all create an upward spiral of positivity that will leave you and the recipient feeling happier.

3. Practice Gratitude Daily: Keep a gratitude journal or take a few moments each day to reflect on what you're thankful for. This reminds you of all the good you already have and offers a smooth exit ramp off the hedonic treadmill that has you living in a state of lack.

4. Nurture Your Relationships: Make a conscious effort to connect with others and build stronger relationships. At work, cultivate high quality connections with colleagues, and at home spend undistracted, quality time with the people you love and care about.

5. Engage in Mindful Moments: Take short breaks throughout the day to focus on your senses and the present moment. The more you focus on the moment you’re in, the less room there is to think about the disappointments of the past or the uncertainties of the future.

6. Be Kind to Yourself: Practice self-compassion and treat yourself with the same understanding, compassion, and grace you would offer a friend. You deserve it as much as they do.

Despite your best efforts, you will never “arrive” at happiness. It’s not a destination. But, it remains a worthy pursuit - if you remember to look in the right places.

Until next week, stay well, friends.